Happier
by dreamgoddess'92
Summary: Hotch tries to make Emily see how he's not good for her, but Emily's not having any of that. Can she show Hotch how she could never be happy without him?


Hey everyone.

So this is one of the oneshots I was talking about posting when I started writing "Days Go By" I have two others I want to post as well as two more chapters of DGB. I thankfully got the biggest part of my homework done earlier so I should get another chapter of DGB up today. *cheer* I've had this idea for a fic for a ling time, but with Haley dying I think now is a better time to use it.

I do not own Criminal Minds (in time my pretties, in time) nor "Happier" by A Fine Frenzy (I love this song)

Please enjoy and review.

* * *

_Quick kid quick, so harsh and cynical_

_Touches stricken, cold and clinical_

_What a transformation to behold_

_But I don't like this new; I want the old_

"This has to end."

Emily looked up from where she was sitting on her couch and let her eyes rest upon the man standing not two feet from her. Hotch's back was straightened to look intimidating and his eyes hard, conveying the severity and honesty of his words. Emily cocked her head to the side and let his words sink into her skin like a poison. This, meaning them, had to end. She wondered when he'd finally say it.

Emily didn't answer him, but turned to look at the little boy cuddled next to her fast asleep. She didn't want Jack to accidentally wake up during this conversation so she gently picked him up and took him into her room. She doubted she'd be getting much sleep tonight if Hotch's determination had anything to say about it. Hotch didn't follow, resolute in his mindset to convey to Emily how a relationship between them would not work out. It was better to end it before some one got hurt. He didn't know if he could take it again.

Emily eventually returned after tucking Jack in and left a crack in the doorway so if he woke up she'd hear it. He didn't have nightmares like his Dad did, but when he happened to have one Emily felt like the world shook as he cried. Though on the nights Emily stayed with them, or they stayed with Emily his nightmares seemed to be absent most of the time and that fact made it a little easier to postpone the inevitable and cynical Hotchner reasoning she was about to encounter once more.

Hotch saw her approach and inwardly groaned as he took in the fiery look in her eyes. She wasn't going down without a fight. Mentally bracing himself, Hotch turned to face her and she stopped a few feet in front of him reading her own weapons against his harsh words.

This hadn't been the first time Hotch had said something of this nature, so Emily was fairly certain she'd be able to convince him otherwise once more. If she failed, Emily didn't know if she'd be able to handle the blow of watching him walk out of her life. She was too far-gone at this point. Granted, Emily wouldn't let him see that. If she really couldn't make him see the benefits of what they had going on here then maybe his words held some merit.

Emily was not going to raise that little white flag without struggling a little first. Her mother may not have been the best mother, but she did teach Emily to fight for what she wanted. Emily wanted Hotch and Jack, so she'd be damned if she didn't put up a fist or two to keep them in her life.

_It's not the words that make it final_

_You've said such things such things before to rival them_

_But it's how you say 'em now that's changed_

_Cold but sympathetic all the same_

Hotch watched as he saw Emily mentally preparing herself and felt guilty about what he had to do. He could clearly see how attached she had become to Jack and he was grateful for the way she treated his son. Jack had come to adore Emily and Hotch suddenly wished there was another way. He didn't want to have to explain to his son why he couldn't see Miss Emily as much anymore. It would brake is son's little heart. There wasn't another way though, he had to let her go: For everyone's sakes.

"Emily, don't fight me on this." Hotch said knowing without a doubt she'd fight him regardless of what he said.

"I just want to know why this has to end; why we have to end." Emily countered filing her weaknesses away and pulling out her thick shields that he had penetrated so long ago. She'd have to be extra careful when dealing with Hotch. He was in lots of pain since Haley's death and if he thought breaking away from Emily was the only way to avoid getting hurt again, he'd do anything to get his way. He might even try to hurt her. Emily repressed her shudder and told herself his words would not hurt her. She would not fail.

"It will end one way or another and it will hurt." Hotch replied going though the same mental process he knew Emily was. He would not bend to her tonight. He had to protect himself and his son. Emily had no idea how badly she could hurt him if she tried. Haley left him broken: Emily wouldn't leave anything. She could destroy all the pieces he managed to salvage of his heart after the divorce, after the funeral. Little did he know he could do the very same to her.

"How can you be so sure? Have I done something to make you think this wouldn't work?" Emily asked, cursing inwardly as her insecure feminine side slipped through the cracks in her armor. She knew she couldn't have done anything wrong except love him. Though in Hotch's books that was probably her biggest mistake.

Hotch held back his wince at the obvious hurt in her words. Of course she hadn't done anything, how could she even think that? If anything she had proven over and over to him how their relationship could thrive in this dark world. He was broken though, and he feared no amount of delicious diners and movie nights could put him back together. No matter how hard Emily tried. He'd only drag her down. That was why he had to end this before she woke up one day and realized how she'd never be able to fix him.

_Lie to convince me that I'll be better off_

_So, you go on and I'll be happier, I'll be happier_

_You go on, yeah, you go on_

_You'll be gone and I'll be happier_

"You haven't done anything Emily, it's just better this way." Hotch said calmly ignoring the way his heart clenched as the words left his mouth. He'd make her see one way or another.

"Bullshit." Emily said causing Hotch's eyes to widen in disbelief. She was not going to stand there and let him try to make her believe she'd be better off without him. She'd believe that when pigs flew. Emily crossed her arms across her chest, showing Hotch that he meant business. Her feet were planted firmly in place, showing him she was prepared to stand her ground. Her body language screamed stubbornness and Hotch was tempted to beam with pride.

This was the Emily who forced her way into his life long ago and it was her passion and determination that attracted him to her like a moth to a bright flame.

Deciding it would be best to just get it over with, Hotch took a deep breath and spoke with icy clarity. "It's what's best for me and my son."

Hotch saw the flash of hurt in her eyes and instantly regretted his harsh words. In reality Emily was best for them, but he had to make her let go. She didn't deserve to be burdened with a man who woke up drenched in sweat and drowning in guilt for the death of his ex wife. She deserved a man who could give her the world, and Hotch was not strong enough to even lift it.

Emily bit her tongue to focus her attention to the physical pain and not the emotion pain Hotch's words invoked within. She knew he was trying to hide the real reason for his initial declaration in the cloud labeled 'Jack' but she couldn't figure out why. What could possibly make him want to walk away when she had been nothing but accommodating and loving towards him and his son? She knew without a doubt that spending time with Jack was exactly what the young boy needed. Hell, the team was doing their part as well and she didn't see Hotch harping on them.

It didn't make any sense.

Emily studied Hotch for a few minutes, trying to decipher the hidden meaning behind his words. If it wasn't what she did and it wasn't because of Jack…what was it? Could it be he didn't want to be there? Emily went over everything that had happened between them in the past few months and quickly dismissed that theory. It was painfully clear that Hotch wanted to be with her. The way he touched her, the things he said…the looks. Hotch wanted nothing more than to stay with her, Emily was positive of that.

_Shoot me with your rubber bullets_

_Your finger's on the trigger pull it_

_I know you want this suffering to end_

_So it is forgivable my friend_

Then Emily felt as if a lightning bolt stuck her and she had to fight off the anger she felt coupled with sadness as she realized what he was trying to do.

He thought it'd be better for _her_ if their relationship ended. He was worried that he was too broken for her; he wasn't good enough for her. He didn't think she wasn't good for him or Jack; he was convinced that she'd be better off without them. Emily felt her heart break at her startling conclusion and tried to withhold her tears at the doubt she knew Hotch had been wrestling with since Haley's death. It all made sense now.

Hotch saw flicker of emotions in Emily's dark eyes from shock to anger and then from sadness to understanding. She knew.

"Is that what you really think Aaron? That by leaving me that you'll be doing me some kind of favor? That I'll be better off?" Emily asked, her voice wavering with the emotions that were leaking through her shield. So much for unwavering stubbornness.

Hotch looked down, breaking eye contact as he tried to gather his response. Now that Emily figured him out, he knew she wouldn't let go. Nothing he could say would make her let him go. Part of him felt instant relief, the other wanted nothing more than to grab his son and leave before he hurt her. He always hurt the ones he loved. She was no exception.

Sighing, Hotch looked up and saw that Emily had taken a few timid steps towards him. He might as well surrender to her now.

Did he want to end this? No, never. He wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and never let go. She made him feel alive when Foyet had all but killed him deep inside. The world seemed a little happier when Emily was around and he wasn't the only one to feel it. Jack gravitated towards Emily like his Daddy because she made it so easy. She radiated affection and friendship like the sun did heat. She was a passionate person who never gave up on her friends and family. She was everything right with the world and Hotch did not want to give her up.

Emily observed the minor softening in Hotch's eyes and knew she almost had him. She couldn't believe that he really thought she'd be happier without him. For someone so smart, he was an idiot. He was her idiot though.

_It's all to convince me that I'll be better off_

_So you go on and I'll be happier,_

_You go on and I'll be happier_

_You go on, yeah, you go on_

_You'll be gone and I'll be happier_

"Aaron, I don't know what prompted this silly belief that by leaving I'd be better off but I have to tell you that's the farthest thing from the truth. I'd be miserable if we ended this." Emily said soothingly, reaching out to grab his hand at his side. Hotch watched as she encompassed his hand in both of hers and pulled it towards her.

Emily let her words hang in the air as she studied his hand. She was well aware of how he felt about himself and she thought he was foolish. He didn't see what she saw.

"Emily, I'm not good for you." Hotch confessed feeling it was better to face up to the truth sooner rather than later. Emily shook her head and continued to rub his hand gently, pulling some of the tension from his body. She'd never entertain the idea that Hotch wasn't good for her. She use to think that way; that she wasn't good for him. After a stern talking to from Dave though, Emily dismissed those frivolous thoughts and let herself be happy whenever Hotch was near. She wouldn't let him continue to put himself down.

"Why do you say that?" Emily asked looking up to meet his dark eyes. She saw the doubt and the shame and she squeezed his hand. He returned the gesture.

"Because I let Haley down. I always let the ones I care about get hurt, I let Foyet destroy my life, I couldn't even hold on to my position at the BAU, I'm the reason my son doesn't have a mother…" Hotch had to stop, his voice was shaking at this point and his eyes burned with hot tears. How she couldn't see how it'd be better if they broke it off was beyond him.

"Oh Aaron." Emily said, her own eyes watering at his words. She dropped his hand and wrapped her arms tightly around his waist as he felt the world crash down upon him. Hotch let his tears fall into Emily's hair as she rubbed reassuring circles on his weary back. He made little noise and Emily took this opportunity to shed a few tears for the man in her arms. He still had a ways to go.

"Listen to me, you did not let Haley down. You didn't let any of those horrible things happen Aaron. The reason your son doesn't have a mother is because of a sick, perverse homicidal maniac who is dead and will never hurt another soul. You are the reason you're son is alive and I know without a doubt that Haley did not blame you one bit for anything that Foyet had done." Emily said pouring all her strength and determination into those words. She'd say them as many times as he needed to hear them before his guilt would subside.

Hotch pulled back and looked her in her eyes. They, like his, were a little red and Hotch brushed a stray tear from her cheek. Her words were like an icy balm on his burning heart and all of a sudden Hotch could breathe a little easier.

Realizing that the storm had passed, Emily smiled at him and took his hand once more. "Let's get some sleep," she said and led them back to her room where Hotch would feel infinitely better once he cuddled up with his son.

Hotch knew in that instant that he'd never be able to leave Emily. She had convinced him that he wasn't bad and that she'd never let him go willingly. As he laid next to his son and felt Emily slide in on Jack's other side, Hotch said a little prayer for Haley and thanked God for the phenomenal woman who would help him through the trails of guilt and never fall for his futile tricks because she knew they were better off together.

_You won't convince me,_

_that I'll be better off._

* * *

I liked writing this one to be honest even though Hotch was being dumb. *laugh*

I've been getting great feedback on DGB and I will be taking what all of my reviewers have said into careful consideration. I sort of have a basic skeleton outline for how the story will go unfold and it will be exciting I promise. I hope you enjoyed this story.

Peace out.


End file.
